#1) Ask Da Orcs

Dear A.D.O.
     I'm a 49 year old mother with a 19 year old daughter who still lives at home. My daughter has good friends, is getting high grades in college, attends church and dates nice boys. Recently, while my daughter was out, I logged onto her computer to make a map because mine was broken. I meant to click on the "print" icon, but accidentally clicked on my daughter's online "history" icon. I discovered that she has been visiting homosexual porn sites! She has never shown interest in that sort of thing before. And, as I said, she dates boys - not girls! Could my daughter be turning gay? Should I confront her with what I found on her computer? Would it be a good idea for us to talk with our priest about it?
      I don't have anything against homosexuals, but I want my daughter to have a good life with children of her own someday. What should I do?
Sincerely,
- Concerned Mother

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Sgt. Groptoph,
Ogre,
Male,
Sergeant in the Orc Imperial Army

Mr. Gob'Wuxbux,
Goblin,
Male,
Online Journalist for
New Orker Magazine

Ms. Gunkatuk,
Half-Orc (half-human),
Female,
R.N. at Goblinville Medical Center

1) Response from Mr. Gob'Wuxbux:
Dear C.M. -
     Consulting a priest is a great idea! He might be able to give her advice on how to bugger boys too! What's so bad about your daughter being gay anyway? At least your grandchildren will never run out of batteries for their toys.
- Gob'Wuxbux

2) Response from Prof. Pizpoploop:
Dear "Concerned Mother":
     Madam, your letter is so over stuffed with ignorant statements and daft questions that it actually makes me feel ill. Let's address your questions one at a time:
Q: "Could my daughter be turning gay?"
A: She is not "turning" into anything. People don't "turn" gay. Either she is gay or she is not.
Q: "Should I confront her with what I found on her computer?"
A: No. What you saw was private. Don't confront her.
Q: "Would it be a good idea for us to talk with our priest about it?"
A: No. Going to a priest with a sex related problem is like going to an anorexic for advice about proper dieting.
Q: "What should I do?"
A: Nothing!
     Sincerely,
Prof. Pizpoploop

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Ms. Abby Shaftfut
Hobgoblin , Female, Cartographer

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Gix,
Gremlin,
Hermaphrodite, 
Freelance Artist

3) Response from Gix:

Gix (the three word Gremlin) says...

Mom... Was... Snooping...

4) Response from Gunkatuk:
Dear "Concerned Mother" -
     This is probably just a "curiosity" thing. Make sure you and your daughter are able to talk openly about things. Maybe just casually mention it to her (privately) and tell her you're there for her if she wants to talk about it.
- Gunkatuk

5) Response from Sgt. Groptoph:
     Bash her computa wit a battle axe! Me like da battle axes dat haz handels made ov wood ova da ones wit handels made ov metal. Wood haz a betta grip den metal. Also da mo lite da handel is da betta - becuz az much ov da whate shud be in the head ov da axe as possible. Me luv chopp'n puny hu-mans wit da big hevey axes! AAAAAArrrrrrrrgggggggGGHHHH!!!

6) Response from Ms. Shaftfut:
Dear "Concerned Mother":
      Firstly... You are worried that if your daughter is gay that she won't have a good life nor be able to produce grandchildren for you. From how you describe your daughter (good friends, high grades, etc...) it sounds like she already has a good life. As far as grandchildren are concerned - that's what sperm banks are for. 
      Secondly... There are lots of reasons for why she might have visited those websites. Perhaps she was doing research on human sexuality for her sociology class. Maybe she accidentally clicked on a porn link in the same way that you accidentally clicked on her history icon. Maybe your daughter, and some of her friends, surfed some random porn to giggle at the silly naked people. The truth is that you have no idea why your 19 year old (adult) daughter visited those websites. It's none of your fucking business, is it?
- Shaftfut

Prof. Pizpoploop
Ridgeling,
Male,  
Alchemy professor at New Ork University

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