Dear members of the "Ask Da Orcs" panel, 
     Two months ago my little sister (she is 18) came home from collage and announced that she was engaged to an "older gentleman" (32 years older!). My family was not thrilled with the age difference, but we decided we should at least give him a chance. Three weeks ago we had the opportunity to meet my sister's fiancé. Turns out that he is a compleat slime-ball! So concerned were my parents that they hired a private detective to do a background check on him. He has been married twice before, is unemployed (lives off a small military pension), has been arrested 4 times for domestic abuse and once for statutory rape, has two children who he has not seen in 10 years, has over $24,000.00 in credit card debt.... the list goes on and on! Both my parents and I have tried talking with my sister about this, but she just accused us of lying! Despite our pleads, she insists on marrying this looser! My parents have refused to pay for the wedding. They have also threatened to stop paying for her college education. But what ever we say - it just seems to make her want to marry him that much more! What can I do to keep my sister from ruining her life?!? Help!!!
Thank you in advance,
- Big Sister

4) Response from Mr. Gob'Wuxbux

Dear B.S. -
     I'm willing to bet your sister is hot. It always amazes me how very attractive women seem to shack-up with stupid ugly losers who treat them like crap. For once I'm in agreement with Groptoph - bash him with a hammer and dump his body where it won't be found.
- Gob'Wuxbux

2) Response from Gunkatuk:

Dear "Big Sister" -
     I would say there isn't much you can do. The more you try to talk her out of marrying him, the more inclined she will be to do it. Make sure she knows you will be there for her whatever her decision may be.
- Gunkatuk

6) Response from Ms. Shaftfut

Dear Big Sister:
     Firstly... You asked "What can I do to keep my sister from ruining her life?!?" . My answer is simply "nothing". I'm sorry, but "nothing" sums up your options quite well. Your sister is an adult. If see wants to ruin her life, there is little you can do to stop her.
     Secondly... Shut up. Sorry to be so blunt, but you (and your parents) need to shut up. You said it yourself "what ever we say - it just seems to make her want to marry him that much more!" So shut up. You have done your job. You have provided her with the facts and your opinions. There is nothing else you can do. Some day she will realize what a fucking loser he is and leave him. Your job is not to say anything that might push that day farther into the future.
- Shaftfut

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5) Response from Gix:

Gix (the three word Gremlin) says...

Buy... Her... Contraception...

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You?

3) Response from Prof. Pizpoploop:

Dear "Big Sister":
     Your sister is obviously blinded by love, stupidity or both. So pointing out the obvious to her is just a waste of time. It might be a good idea if your parents try to compromise with your sister. Have them agree to pay for both your sister's education AND her wedding - on the condition that she finish school BEFORE she gets married. That might give your half-wit sister the time she needs to realize who she is engaged to. I don't envy your predicament.
     Sincerely,
Prof. Pizpoploop  

1) Response from Sgt. Groptoph:

Bash em wit da big hammer!
Crush da puny hu-man! Atttaaaack!!! AAARRRrrrrrrGGGGHH!!!

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