Mr. Gob'Wuxbux,
Goblin ,
Male,
Online Journalist for
New Orker Magazine

advice column

1) Response from Gunkatuk

Dear "Troubled And Time-Stricken Guy" -
     Your friends are jealous. They need to get some girlfriends of their own. In the mean while, do your best to balance time between your girlfriend and friends.
- Gunkatuk

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Sgt. Groptoph,
Ogre ,
Male,
Sergeant in the Orc Imperial Army

Ms. Gunkatuk,
Half-Orc (half-human),
Female,
R.N. at Goblinville Medical Center

Ms. Shaftfut
Hobgoblin , Female, Cartographer

#8) Ask Da Orcs

Dear Ask Da Orcs,
I'm a 16 year old, human male.
My friends often say to me that my girlfriend is taking too much of my time. Like just this week, I had hung out with her everyday until Friday, when I wanted to hang with my friends. When I told her this she seemed upset and saddened that I wasn't going to be with her. When just my girlfriend and I hang out - we normally watch the Television or talk about problems, etc... Nothing that I really enjoy, though sometimes it's OK. When It's me and my friends - we just play video games and such. But when I hang with both my friends and my girlfriend at the same time - they are more or less disturbed, one of my friends can't even handle it when I put my arm around her. My girlfriend and my friends are pretty OK with each other, but I don't think they'd hang out together without me... Should I sacrifice my personal time or talk to her about this? Also, if I should talk to her, what do I say?
Thanks,
Troubled and time-stricken guy.

4) Response from Sgt. Groptoph
Keep 'n mined dat ya can hav sex wit ya girlfend... den kill tings! But wit ya fends - ya can only kill tings! AAARRRrrrrrrrrrrrggggggGGGHHH!!!

2) Response from Mr. Gob'Wuxbux
Dear T.&.T.S.G. -
     It's a shame that you can't find something that ALL of you would enjoy doing together. Have you considered having an orgy? Share and share a like!
 - Gob'Wuxbux

3) Response from Ms. Shaftfut
Dear Time-Stricken:
      Firstly... Sounds like your relationship with your girlfriend just needs a little imagination. There is an article in "Play Orc Magazine" called: " Dating Tips for Orcs " - that might give you some ideas the next time you take your girlfriend out.
     Secondly... Perhaps your friends would be more more supportive if they had girlfriends of their own. Have you tried setting up any of your friends with some of your girlfriends friends? Just a thought.
 - Shaftfut

6) Response from Prof. Pizpoploop

Dear "Troubled And Time-Stricken Guy":
     Your relationship with your girlfriend sounds rather lackluster... You wrote: "When just my girlfriend and I hang out - we normally watch the Television or talk about problems, etc... Nothing that I really enjoy, though sometimes it's OK." ...That is pretty week. Unless your girlfriend has attributes that you are not sharing with us - I'd advise that you start looking for a girlfriend who you enjoy spending time with.
     Sincerely,
Prof. Pizpoploop

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UPDATE:

     After publishing our Orcy advice, we wrote back to "Troubled And Time-Stricken Guy" to ask him what he thought of the advice and to let us know how things are now between his friends and girlfriend. We also asked who's advice was the most helpful and who's was the least helpful. His response was as follows:

     Thank you for your advice. Things are better now between my girlfriend and me.
     Ms. Gunkatuk was the most helpful of the bunch. Surprisingly Sgt. Groptoph wasn't the least helpful, Gob'Wuxbux was. I don't think I'll be having sex with my girlfriend anytime soon. Not because I'm shy or anything like that, my girlfriend and I are sexually active, it's just she has had three friends who have had children at the age of 16 and that's made her become a prude.
     My friends and my girlfriend are better together now.  I think some of the problem may have been the time of year; It was the end of school and everyone wanted to hang out.  Now that I have more time for both my girlfriend and my friends - things are cool.
     Thanks again for the advice,
"Content and time conserved guy"

Gix,
Gremlin,
Hermaphrodite, 
Freelance Artist

Prof. Pizpoploop
Ridgeling,
Male,  
Alchemy professor at New Ork University

You?

5) Response from Gix:

Gix (the three word Gremlin) says...

Give... Her... Oral...

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